TING

Monday, December 21, 2009

Jiayin came to my house today, to help granny make tang yuan.
Much thoughts came over me after what she told me, and some things also occurs.
I asked her a question today, " What's your ambition?"
She told me she would think about it and tell me somedays..
I do think that what we want, it for us to work out for, and not waiting for it to happen.

Watched the show, 'xin qing da dong yuan' just now.
Thoughts flooded through my head..
I realised that we're actually very lucky to have many friends and loving family members by our side. We've ought to be contented already. But many people are not, that makes the world seem so unfriendly..untouched..

I believe both friends and family are important to us.
But if i could only choose one, i would choose family. Cause i came out from my mum, the difficult and painful memory, was her's, not mine. I was just being pushed out, and allow the world to accept me. Often, when i am alone, i would think of many scenes, what if i dont have parents? What if i am an orphan? Who do love and care for me? I never knew the answer, cause, i was never one.
So, i vowed, when i grow up, i would volunteer to people that needs me, whatever thing that i can help, i'll try my best.

Now, i'm so fustrated..Things happen, and is not one, but many. I dont know why it occurs to me..Maybe is a challenge from the gods? Or maybe my fate is just as it is. I'll never know. He went out, and was always home late. She was so worried for him then, but she kept quiet, supporting him behind his back, but he went his way. The path he took years ago, had disappear, but i'm afraid it would come back again. I'm afraid to witness the tears of her's, i'm afraid to feel the coldness of it, and i'm afraid to be alone. Always, i'm at a corner, hiding. Think when will it ever ends. But i know, it'll soon go away. Always comforting myself, but i know, everything was unreal. Trying to accept, but it always failed. Trying to dry the tears, but it always came down pouring.. Why..

I remembered the days that i've smiled. It was so beautiful..That was the 14 years ago, me. I was surrounded with love and tender care. The present me, seem so different..It was as if i just woke up from a wonderful dream, which everyone would crave for..It was once mine..but why did god took it away? I'm just a little girl, that have simple wish like others. But, it's always me that failed to get what i wanted. For whatever thing i want, i have to get it myself..No matter how much i want it, i know, it's no use. Even if i cried or scream, if i dont work hard for it, i will never ever get it. I use smiles to cover all my tears, i counted minutes to all the hours, i waited days to get to month, i longed from young to become an adult, so i can leave the past, and work on the future. But, i'll always asked myself, " What if i am good for nothing? "

Well, i dont know what do my friends think of me. I dont think i would wanna know anyway.
No matter if it is good or bad, it cant change the fact that i am me. I dont mind what others says, or think of me. I just know that finding a best friend, is difficult..A best friend, is someone that'll stand by you, giving you support all the way, no matter what happens. Everything seem so different now for me. Maybe i've just lost a best friend. Maybe i'm not good enough then. I've seen through..Human, are not as easy as we think. The thoughts of theirs, is never easy to guess. I think, maybe is our friendship not that close, thats why i've lost a best friend..I've learnt my lesson. I wont wanna get so close to a friend anymore. Cause i know, i'll lose them somehow or another. I dont know. I wanna be myself, i wont get hold of myself infront of my friends anymore. I'd cry if i wanna cry, i'll laugh if i feel happy, i'll do everything that i wanna do whenever i feel like. Every human being doesn't live forever, it's only a matter of time, whether we die early or late. I would cherish everyday of my life, be it sad or misery, happy or lovely.
No matter what, i wanna be friends with everyone, no matter what you think of me or what so ever. Even if you dislike me, i still wanna be your friend. But, if you push me away once, i'm not sure if i would approach you ever again.

Maybe i would stop here then. People, please know how lucky you are, and be contented. Or else, one day you lose something/someone that are dear to you, you'll regret. Lastly, my dear Gaomin, i missed you. Come back safetly.
Goodnight.

Labels: Contented.

Ting♥ @ 12/21/2009 11:32:00 PM