TING

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I dont understand why..i freaking dont understand why is this happening.. why am i so damm different? WTH. I dont know how to write this post, so that i can just pour everything out of my mind.. but i dont seem to know where to start.. During work, just by looking at the name list of the parents, i envy the kids.. they have a wonderful family, and are smiling and joking with their family members whenever they come to classes.. I hate this kind of feelings.. Home should be a place, whereby children would love to dash back to, no matter where they are.. but not me. Whenever i know that i'm going home, i would feel a lump in my throat. I do feel like talking to someone bout it..but i dont know how to put it, or where to start. Everyone seem to have their own problems too, so why do they have to listen to mine? I feel so lost.. Somehow i am tired of living.. I dont know why i am living too.. Whenever i forsee my future, i always cannot see the other end, cause it's too blurry.. I feel so damm lost.. Even my tears wouldn't support me.. cause they cant even get out of my eyes. I dont know what i should do.. I just keep on working and working, because i want to get things off my mind. Whenever i think of my problems, i feel sick.. Just by working, i kill time, and my mind is also occupied. Even when i'm having headaches, i force myself to work, and i work even harder.. I dont wanna let my mind relax, cause i know the problems will come flooding into my head again.. I freaking hate this.. It had been better the last time, but now, it became worst.. God..please tell me that you created me, is not because you wanna destroy me.. you created me, is not because you want me to be unhappy.. you created me, is not because you want me to cry.. I lost to people in every single way.. that is why i am different.. and that is why i hate it.. I hate it is not because i lost to other people in all these problems.. but is because, i work and tried so hard to bring it back to what t suppose to be, but ended up being disappointed again.. i'm tired.. really tired.. Please, guide me.. God, i am praying, can you hear me?

Ting♥ @ 12/01/2010 07:55:00 PM